Spiritual Abuse in the Teacher-Student Relationship

Harry Dijkshoorn explores how spiritual abuse between teacher and student can happen and offers some guidance on how to heal from it.

Meeting Yogi Bhajan

It was 1992 when I first met Yogi Bhajan in his ashram in New Mexico. My teacher at the time, Andrew Cohen, had been invited for an afternoon visit. We were aware that the scene around Yogi Bhajan was quite masculine. Andrew decided to take six male students with him.

Everything worked like a military operation. As we entered the heavily-guarded gates of the ashram, strong, fearsome-looking, bearded men with turbans and automatic weapons hanging from their shoulders, welcomed us at the gate. A woman led us to Yogi Bhajan’s private quarters.

We entered a wonderfully decorated salon and there sat Yogi Bhajan in a comfortable, reclining chair. He welcomed us casually and carried on with the business at hand, which mainly consisted of being waited on hand and foot

I have never seen anyone being served in such an extreme way. Almost every other minute, a woman (they were all women), dressed in immaculate, white robes offered him a sweet to eat, or a small glass of something to drink. They’d wipe his forehead, or his beard, while another woman massaged his feet or offered him a small piece of chocolate. This went on and on. I thought at the time that we, the students of Andrew Cohen, were fine devotees of the Guru, but this was on a completely different level.

Falling from grace

The meeting continued, and I noted that Andrew and Yogi Bhajan got along quite well. Little did I know that I was sat with two leaders of flourishing spiritual communities, who would turn out to be vile abusers of their own students.

By all accounts, Yogi Bhajan was by then already deeply entrenched in a systematic indulgence of the dark, unexamined and traumatized corners of his own mind. Andrew was, at the time, starting to head in the same direction.

Andrew Cohen has long since crumbled as a spiritual teacher, forced by his own students to relinquish his exalted position as the leader of a well-known community. The effects of his demise were dramatic. The community rapidly collapsed with him as he fell. Yogi Bhajan managed to stay in control of his empire until the day he died. This, in spite of years of accusations of abuse of power and sexual abuse.

How does spiritual abuse happen?

But how is it possible that someone who inspires and so deeply touches throngs of people – even to the point of dedicating their lives to service – can simultaneously display such a massive failing, ethically and humanly, as if they have no moral footing at all? These questions became my own predicament after being subjected to my teacher’s malicious inclinations.

Needless to say, there is no student without a good number of their own shortcomings. But this particular set of unique circumstances usually involves:
– a teacher or guide – meant to be the embodiment of wisdom on the path to liberation,
– and a student who, after thorough scrutiny, decides to devote his life to this cause.
Obviously, the student is in a very vulnerable position, placing themselves, as it were, in the hands of their teacher.

The pattern of abuse

The pattern is often as follows: first there is the ‘honeymoon period’ between teacher and student. This can last years so that the student has good reason to have enormous faith and trust in their teacher. But slowly and gradually, often almost imperceptibly, the teacher’s behaviour begins to change.

We need to understand here that most teachers set out with a genuine motivation to help others. Under the pressure of responsibility that their position inevitably brings, their own unresolved childhood patterns will arise. They are almost always highly intelligent, so the combination of self-centered behaviour and the qualities of a genuine, caring guide can seem extremely confusing.

Imperceptible changes

There is a deep need for the teacher to remain as the ‘one who knows’, the one who ‘can see the way forward’ for the student. Some teachers have narcissistic tendencies and, when left unchecked, these can take a heavy toll on the student. The teacher will still exude the love/wisdom that attracted the student in the first place. But now this is interspersed with mood swings, displeasure with his students, anger and even fits of rage. Naturally, the devoted student will interpret this as ‘fierce love’. The teacher is the ‘embodiment of love’, after all.

I know first hand the inner devastation, confusion and pain when you deeply trust someone who appears to be a doorway to the divine, and then that trust proves to have been misplaced. The doorway that once beckoned, so full of the brightest, radiant light, starts to darken, the lights dims…

And in response we deny, justify, rationalize, look away. Anything but draw the inevitable, common-sense conclusion which goes against everything we believe. That is, my “perfect” teacher is flawed, very flawed, maybe even an abuser. When these patterns become habitual, accepted and explained away, abuse becomes systemic.

Parent/child, Teacher/student

In many ways, patterns between teacher and student resemble those of parent and child. The parent is all-powerful, the child all-dependent. The parent assumes the role of the all-knowing one, the teacher assumes the role of the all-knowing one. Unfortunately, just as most parents are far from all-knowing, likewise are most teachers, gurus, priests, sheiks, shamans, meditation teachers and popes, far from omniscient.

No human being is perfect, all-knowing or infallible. So often, we lose our own inner compass of right and wrong and common sense in the potentially transformative field of trust, faith and surrender to a higher power.

But the answer to the question, ‘how is it possible that a person who embodies such divinity, wisdom and love can, at the same time, exhibit such abysmal behaviour of abuse, often with those who are closest and dearest?” is almost universally the same.

Teachers, gurus, priests, sheiks, popes, lamas may well possess wonderful qualities and are, without doubt, helpful to so many. However, remember, they all are still works-in-progress, with human shortcomings and unexamined personality traits. They are still human beings, often governed by fear, shame and guilt. Motivated into action by unprocessed, unconscious, painful tendencies from their own childhood.

Silent complicity

Public shaming and blaming often occur in broad daylight. In this way, all involved become complicit in the abuse. A culture of silence ensues. Only an inner circle of students are ‘privileged’ to receive the ‘grace’ of this ‘tough love’ inflicted by the teacher as a ‘means for their spiritual growth’.

This silent complicity causes shame and guilt, and leaves deep scars in the soul. “How could I have participated in these atrocities?”, we lament in disbelief much later on. We had given our hearts, we wanted so much to believe that we had found the highest good. Our teacher had proven himself to be so full of care, compassion, love and wisdom. And yet…

When people are seen to ‘support’ and become ‘accomplices’ in the abusive behaviour of the teacher and when questioning the behaviour is regarded as a sin – i.e. a culture of silence is established – then the teacher is home-free and can get away with anything.

The burden of responsibility

There are many teachers whose sense of morality and conscience is sufficiently developed to withstand the temptation to act out their darker impulses. Unfortunately, though, there are those who have taken on a role of responsibility far before they are ready to responsibly carry that burden. These people will give in to their own unexamined needs, wants and desperate desires. They continue to perpetuate the cycle of abuse that they themselves have received.

Spiritual abuse is, like every form of abuse, deeply scarring. How deep the longing of the soul is to return home! Spiritual transgression in the delicate relationship of trust between teacher and student, is the abuse of a person’s spiritual heart, the source of the delicate longing for the Divine. And how the soul hurts when trust proves itself to have been misplaced.

The effects of spiritual abuse

I have my own story to tell of the complex dynamics that occur within the relationship of a spiritual student and his guide. I was part of a new religious movement for 15 years and a close attendant to the leader. It took me another 15 years to recover from the abuse I received.

Whether the violation takes place in a Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu or unaffiliated setting makes no difference. The dynamics are the same: an abuse of power by an inspiring, charismatic leader, leading to manipulation and control over people’s lives.

When the leader has a narcissistic streak, then abuse is never far away. It is unfortunate that spiritual abuse is an everyday reality for so many people in every religious affiliation. In the last twenty or thirty years, the examples of fallen gurus or priests are too numerous to cite.

Those who have been at the receiving end of spiritual abuse often feel ashamed, manipulated, intimidated and humiliated. The effects of spiritual abuse can be harrowing, as with any relational abuse. They can lead to a lack of self-respect, grief, low self- esteem, anxiety, depression, despair, even suicidal thoughts, as well as cynicism and rage.

But there is something deeper and more critical than even that. Not only does it destroy our trust and faith in humanity, it leaves us with a profoundly damaged relationship with the Divine. We are now without any trust in the very source of life.

The long-term damage of spiritual abuse should not be minimised. Coming to terms with what has happened may take years. It’s a hard road to travel, but once you’re on it there’s no turning back. Please know that all this suffering is never in vain and healing is possible.

Essential steps for healing

Allow yourself to grieve.
Fully acknowledge the abuse and the denial that has taken place.
Share experiences with fellow ‘rebel students’ who have left the fold. Confide in good, wise friends.
Keep your life as much as possible in order with work, tidiness at home, personal hygiene, exercise.
From now on, own your right to have very clear boundaries. No-one is allowed to mistreat you. You are free to leave uncomfortable situations.
Self-care, self-care, self-care – self-love. It is really OK to pamper yourself… Surround yourself with things that uplift you, make you happy. Bath salts, a rose, candles, scents, good friends, nature, mountains, beaches, exercise, chi-gung, yoga, music and good apple pie!
Be willing to redefine yourself anew, allow yourself the freedom to find out who is the real you now.
Find a good therapist or counsellor. Be critical in who you choose. Find a form of therapy that includes the body. Often our bodies have suffered quite a lot under the strain. Somatic Experiencing is a useful methodology to release our organism from traumatic residue.
Speak to God, the Divine, in whichever name or form you relate to it. Complain, scream, shout, curse, give your anger and pain to Him/Her/It – it belongs there in the first place. It will help heal your spiritual heart.
See yourself gradually finding your way through this labyrinth. Besides all the challenges and pain, this rocky and thorny path will undoubtedly bring many gifts and great blessings for your growth, both personally and spiritually. And then, when trust in life and trust in the Divine are re-establishing themselves in you, you can be sure you are well on your way. You can be very proud of yourself for the journey you are in the process of completing.

You will come out richer and wiser, like an elder – though maybe still young in years – ready to take your place in this great mystery of life, and shine your light while the angels rejoice in you doing so.

Article nr.2

The Crown Jewel of True Discrimination – Viveka Chudamani (This article was written in honor of Philip Renard’s publication in Dutch of the Viveka Chudamani, a prominent scripture of the Advaita-Vedanta tradition. The article was published in the fall issue of Sahaja Journal, 2022, of Triveni Ashram and in Dutch in Inzicht Magazine, November 2022.)

The year was 1992. We were riding in a somewhat rickety bus in India on our way to ‘Vulture’s Peak’ in Rajgir, one of the Buddha’s favorite places where he liked to camp with his students to hold longer retreats. Some 250 seekers had traveled to India to participate in a four-week retreat with the now-discredited spiritual teacher Andrew Cohen.

Philip Renard was also part of this company of seekers on this bus, which, like a loose cannon, swinging from left to right across the road, maneuvering between all the cows, goats, people, cars and whatnot. was getting closer to its destination. I had been a committed student of Andrew Cohen for several years, Philip was one of the new people who on this retreat in India wanted to get a clearer picture of who Andrew Cohen really was and what his teaching really had to offer – this latter wish would come true sooner than he might have thought.

I had spoken to Philip a few times and our hearts had already met. I was sitting in the back of the bus and saw that in the front row where Andrew was sitting, a group had formed. After a while I went to see if I was missing something interesting. I encountered a familiar scene – Andrew, supported by some of his closest students, was engaged in an intense Dharma debate with Philip. I listened in for a few moments. I had witnessed conversations like this many times before. Andrew’s trump card was his invitation to every seeker, to surrender completely to the desire to embrace the Absolute as your own Self.

“Do you really want to be free more than anything?” I heard Andrew ask Philip in a challenging tone of voice. “Are you willing to give up anything that stands in the way of this?” Andrew continued. “Do you have the courage to stand alone in the Truth?” I sat back in the back of the bus and wondered what would happen.

Many years later Philip told me what a defining moment this had been for him. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he got off the bus. He had poured out his heart, withholding nothing, borne the depths of his soul, with all longing for Truth and Freedom. Andrew, of course, fully acknowledged the sincerity of Philip’s desire, while repeatedly pointing out that it was only Philip’s ego that prevented him from answering with a resounding yes to Andrew’s invitation to dedicate himself fully to achieving enlightenment in Andrew’s community. This was where True Discrimination came in – despite the strength of Andrew’s arguments, something kept gnawing at Philip inside, saying, “It all sounds great and yet something isn’t right here. “True Discrimination sometimes presents itself in a wordless, undefined feeling. Philip could not deny this feeling – he experienced it as a kind of ‘red light’. And he didn’t accept Andrew’s invitation. Philip already had the courage to stand alone in the Truth.

Years later I found myself in a car with another spiritual teacher, Lee Lozowick, on one of the secondary roads in central France. Lee had just performed with his Blues Band ‘Shri’ at a major Harley Davidson motorcycle festival, an on first sight intimidating occasion. We sat in a VW bus with Lee at the wheel and Lee drove, as always, like a rocket. It was past midnight and all the other band members, all of Lee’s students, were dozing in the back of the bus. I sat next to Lee in the front and it was my job to make sure Lee stayed awake behind the wheel. We didn’t talk much on that ride, but at one point Lee leaned over to me and said in a soft voice, “Harry, everyone is under the spell of Shakti, no one is interested in Shiva.” I nodded, didn’t say anything, but this comment became a beacon for the Crown Jewel of True Discrimination for me.

Look at Shiva in this picture, unaffected, free, peaceful, anchored in a beneficent equanimity. “Never forget Shiva!”, Lee said to me. And then look at Shakti (in this case in the form of Kali); she stands on top of him, intimately connected, in an explosion of activity, in all the brilliance of life.

This reminds me of the words of Jnaneshwar, a great poet and sage of thirteenth century India:

The lover (Shiva) out of boundless love

has become the beloved (Shakti).

Out of love for each other they merge,

and again they separate

for the pleasure of being two.

They sit together on the same ground

wearing the same garments of light.

From time past remembrance

they have lived thus

united in bliss.

Difference itself merged in their sweet union

when, seeing their intimacy,

it could not find no duality to enjoy.

Because of God the Goddess exists

and without her, He is not.

They only exist because of each other.

Two lutes: one note

Two flowers: one fragrance

Two lamps: one light

Two lips: one kiss

Two eyes: one sight

These two: one universe

How sweet is their union!

How can something which is, in Philip’s words, “not-a-thing,” and impossible to be contained in a concept, can yet dawn in us and move us to the core of our being? “Come to your own certitude”, says Philip on the first page of his beautiful translation of the Viveka Chudamani. May this Crown Jewel of True Discrimination be bestowed upon you. This age-old text is about nothing else than arriving at one’s own certitude about, as Philip so beautifully describes it, the distinction between “the formless” and “that which for this moment is taken on a form; or, between “that which has always been the case (and always already been free)” and “that which is temporary, which can repeatedly suggest a lack of freedom.”

Philip is a word artist in the Dutch language of the first order. He succeeds, through the originality of his interpretations in beautiful, rich Dutch, to make the ‘self-luminous reality’, by means of the ‘mirror of the word’, light up in the depths of the heart. It brings about an inner smile of recognition and often a tear of emotion. I enjoy his often surprising choice of words, which time and again opens the door to the “instant insight of the Differenceless”, the greatest gift one can receive in this life.

Article nr. 3

The importance of Dharma

Harry explores the different definitions of dharma and explains how the art of living is about maintaining a balance between them.

With the longing for Truth
We are born into this world.
It is the jewel in the heart
That already shines at birth.

Dharma: our given nature

Everything in life follows its given nature. The bird will be a bird and do what birds do. The snake will be a snake and do what snakes do. The bird is true to its dharma, and so too the snake and all beings. It is only the human being – this beautiful and perplexing creation – endowed with the capacity to be self-aware, that can go against its own given nature, against its own dharma. And go against our nature we do – sometimes even vehemently so.

Dharma: our place in the totality of life

Indigenous people have not lost the connection with their place within the totality of life, which is another definition of Dharma. They have an acute sense of the interrelatedness and interdependence of all things. Modern humans though have, as a product of their technologically advanced society, all but lost their intricate connection with the sacred wholeness of life. The results are here for us all to experience. The air we breathe, the water we drink, the food we eat, the stress of our lives brought about by the lie that we have to consume in order to be happy. All have produced a toxic environment from which there is almost no escape. There is no need to elaborate this point, we all know this. The world we are leaving to our children is in need of much mending. And, so are we.

“You are the world”, the great J. Krishnamurti declared passionately. The state of our planet is only a reflection of the mental state that humanity as a whole finds itself in, with the ‘developed’ countries leading the way. We have lost touch with nature, we have lost touch with the divine, and we have lost touch with ourselves. We have to regain our connection with nature and with our connection with the divine. And in so doing we will regain the connection with ourselves. This is key. And all these three point to one word – Dharma.

Dharma: our innate sense of right and wrong

There is another meaning of the word dharma – maybe best translated as conscience. This is our innate sense of right and wrong. It is innate to all human beings. It is our highest value, or should be, but these days it often takes second place to our desires for personal gain. This is apparent on an individual as well as a corporate level. The damage we are willing to inflict on the planet as well as on each other, in order to continue the perpetual cycle of material gain, is a problem the next generations will be forced to deal with.

And yet, also today every child is born with this innate ‘knowing’ of right and wrong, a sense of Dharma that sits quietly in the chest of each human being, like a good, unassuming friend.

The four definitions of dharma in the Indian scriptures

In the Indian scriptural texts dharma is divided into four aspects:

Samanya dharma

The universal values that are written into the structure of reality. There is a universal expectation to not hurt, deceive or slander each other. I don’t lie to you because I really don’t like it when someone lies to me.

Svadharma

We are all conditioned to act in certain ways in the world. For example, business people might see every situation as an opportunity, empathic people may ask if they can be of help, and criminals will see if they can make some easy money without getting caught. However, some people have a burning desire to seek liberation, free the mind and realise their own nature.

All living creatures follow their nature. As already stated above, only human beings, endowed with introspection and free-will, can and do stray from their given nature. But wanting to be different from how life has formed us is not useful or conducive to success and happiness. The way life has formed us is the set of cards we’ve been given to play in the great tapestry of life. Better to accept and love it, and gently work at those parts that could do with some improvement.

The way life has formed us is the set of cards we’ve been given in the great tapestry of life. Better to accept and love it and gently work at those parts of us that could do with some improvement.

Vishesha dharma

Vishesha dharma is the appropriate response to a given situation with its particular conditions and circumstances. Here, discrimination is essential, as we need to interpret the circumstances we find ourselves in, keeping in mind the universal values and the propensities of our own nature.

This enables us to respond to a situation appropriately, but this is not always easy. Life can be full of complexity and can ask of us a willingness to adjust and re-adjust ourselves again and again, so we can keep attuning ourselves as best we can to the dharma of each situation.

Dharma – your true nature

This is Dharma with a capital ‘D’. It is the Self or your true “I” – the silent witness. As spiritual teacher Rupert Spira, says: “The discovery that peace, happiness and love are ever-present and completely available to us at every moment of experience, under all conditions, as our own Self, is the most important discovery anyone can make.”

To paraphrase Vedanta teacher, Christian Leeby, it’s with these four definitions of dharma – balancing your own values with universal values in each unique situation that life presents you with – that is the art of living.

Every eco-system depends on a delicate balance of all of its parts. Observing universal and personal values with a clear sense of conscience is also how we maintain that balance as human beings. We contribute to the whole, rather than extract from it. We play our part that we have been designated to play, nothing more and nothing less. And, in doing so, as the Sufis say, we’ll leave behind us the sweet fragrance of Dharma.

Article 4

Nature’s Way

A letter to a friend

In the throes of a deep spiritual crisis, I recently traveled to Oslo, Norway, where I met a seventy-seven-year-old woman. It was after an intense plunge into contemplative writing using a teaching from ancient Greece— Memento Mori, Amor Fati (remember death, love your fate)— which catalyzed me to re-live the most traumatic time I experienced with the individual who was my spiritual teacher for years.

Remember death, and love your fate? My God, I could hardly sleep, I could not relax. For a month, I could not find any relief from the inner torture. In this condition I met Vigdis Garbarek. I had told her that I was coming in the hope of finding some softening of my current state, and that I was certainly not coming for any spiritual knowledge. Of course I was very wrong. After many decades of meeting numerous spiritual teachers in India and in the West, and these coming from a wide range of paths and traditions, she may be the first enlightened person I have encountered. Meeting her was tremendous for me; she made me reconsider many facets of spiritual life. It has re-booted my spiritual heart.

In speaking with her, a distinction became very clear: the difference between a person in whom the Self Nature has come very much to the foreground—and directs the actions of that person’s life, often in a teaching capacity— and an individual person who has naturally come to the end of the cycle of living as a separate identity.

What is interesting about Vigdis is that for her, coming to the end of living as a separate entity occurred totally by the force of Nature. She had no background knowledge of Eastern spirituality or any spirituality at all. She had never heard of meditation or non-duality. She just had to try and make sense of life herself to the best of her ability.

There are two things that have impacted me in meeting her: 1) The complete naturalness of the process of spiritual evolution 2) That the recognition of the Absolute or the Self-nature lies well within the [innate] capability of the dualistic mind. That last sentence, which she said just in passing, has made much fall into place for me. If she has a message at all, it is that life as it is, is enough.

Teachers like Arnaud Desjardins and Lee Lozowick have said this as well. But she takes away the message that promises that if you do the right thing, if you have the right attitude, if you do the right practices in the right way and so on, then you will find that great pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. And this is the big promise of just about all spiritual and religious traditions. Nobody can promise you that, she says. Just live your life as truthfully and heartfully as you can, and that is enough. If profound knowledge needs to descend on you, it will. It is all completely governed by Nature.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about Lee. He had this vision of the complete naturalness, didn’t he? I think he called it “organic innocence” and “sahaja.” He said that “spiritual life is feminine.” I have heard him say some beautiful things about this. But he also teaches about the possibility of making it, and I saw his frustration at the end of his life, that his students were not “making it.” This is tricky stuff, I think. Vigdis Garbarek has given me an appreciation that whether enlightenment needs to be part of my life or not is entirely in the hands of Nature. It may sound pretty obvious and simple, but after years of striving on the path, it has given me such a relief. I said to her that, after my visit, I felt liberated into the simplicity of my own life. Regaining my capacity to think (and feel) for myself only now, so many years after I left my teacher is the main gift I received from my visit to Norway. I feel free again to look, to see and think and draw my own conclusions with simple clarity. It’s been a while.

At one point I spoke with Vigdis about how extraordinary it is when one truly meets the guru and recognizes the Self-nature in him or her. The bliss is so strong, the love so beautiful, wisdom and spiritual knowledge begin to flow, intuition is sharpened. There’s a beautiful spontaneity between you and the guru and in between you and life, and we think we have found enlightenment. We have found ourselves! It is as clear as a whistle, and of course we want to share it with others. Vigdis responded in the following way:

“The thing is, this is all the result of being a seeker. You have heard about all these phenomena. You have heard about the nature of the Self. About infinite love. So, when you are seeking, you are seeking something, a particular goal. And when you find it, now you are not a seeker anymore, now you are a finder. “It all springs from this idea of seeking and receiving. Then you think, if I am doing this I am supposed to get. I am doing so much, I should get a medal! And this is the motivation for so much in the spiritual life. “But the thing is,” she continued, “I had never heard about anything! The whole path is completely natural. By an inner compulsion, I just had to be truthful every moment to what is and to that which was holy for me. And I think that is just the simple, natural way. “You see, there’s nothing to find. All that is is Being. If you know you know. If you don’t you don’t. And if you know it should not be used for you to have a blissful situation, it should be used for the benefit of something. “In my eyes we are entitled to our own understanding of that which is sacred to us. Because the way you look at truth may be different than somebody else. And then it is yours. “I’ll tell you something else. When this mind burned out, even though it was something I had never heard about, somehow I knew that what I was carrying could be dangerous to others. It’s like a dangerous tool. When I was young I wished that I could touch a persons arm, just tenderly, so that he or she would feel hope and gratitude towards Life and towards living. When the change happened in my Life, I understood that to transmit knowledge is stealing the persons own experience, their own right to the most interesting travel there is, Life. Then they wouldn’t discover Life!

Because it is a gift for all of us to discover our own life; I should stay back and not interfere. You understand? You can be of service, but not interfere. Because every path is sacred, no matter where it is. It is a very peaceful way. There is no battering and no striving. To me your path is sacred, no matter what it looks like. I don’t touch it. In my eyes, even angels don’t dare to do that, because it is a dialogue between yourself and your Self. I can be there and help you clarify everyday hindrances; we can do this together with interest and joy. But I will never say do this or do that. And to actually promise awakening….. or to even talk about that it is possible! Because to me that is so completely up to Nature.”

Pretty cool, no? This is only a small bit of a much longer conversation with her.

Well, if one comes to realize what Vigdis is saying here, then everything that came before in one’s life must have been good. If life has any meaningful direction, purpose or basic goodness, then it must be the natural awakening capacity that is innate in a human being.

I’ll end with this quote from The Desiderata from Max Ehrmann:

Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

Artikel 5

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, this is still a beautiful world. Be joyful. Strive to be content.

Article 6

Spiritual Paths and a Wise Woman — Suffering, the Guru and Individuation

Relax. Maybe it’s just all about you creating some good karma for yourself. Be kind. Be patient. I am not in a hurry. I have all the time in the world.

— Lee Lozowick, 2009

Part One. Suffering

Why wouldn’t Life have organized it in such a way that a tiny, new human being would gently and smoothly flow into this world at birth and that the brave mothers wouldn’t have to endure such strain and pain? I have often wondered about this. Of course this is a naïve question, but it stems from a wish for women to have an easier time with it.

Life is full of pain and strain. Ordinary life is challenging enough, but then we have those committed to a spiritual path. There’s a particular suffering here! Oh yes, it is often portrayed as gloriously blissful, and there will certainly be times that this is so. The bliss reflects our nature, our innermost being, which is what we are looking for. But on the Path, there is so much sorrow to be encountered. I once heard a wise woman say, “I have not come into this world not to have pain.” We do well to adopt this attitude.

Those of us on a spiritual path have long recognized that much suffering is needed for the growth of a human being. There is always a gift in psychological pain, which is often recognized long after we have passed through the episode. The moment when we feel actual gratitude for the suffering we have passed through is a good moment. Some development has then been truly absorbed by our organism. We’ve grown. And that is indeed cause for much joy. Yet before this moment occurs, we may have to go through many years of tremendous challenge—we must dig deep in ourselves and gather all our energies to endure and persevere. In our mind’s eye the image will regularly pop up that it is all too much and more than we can take, and yet this is exactly how we develop the important qualities of endurance and perseverance amongst others. There seems to be no other way.

“Do you want to be a servant of humanity?” The wise woman asked in a soft voice.

“Yes, of course,” I said.

“And do you want to be free of all the highs and all the pleasures in life?” She asked me with a knowing twinkle in her eye. I immediately said, “No!” That vision was a bit too daunting.

“Well,” the wise woman said, “if you want the highs, then you must accept the lows as well. Enjoy the ride!”

Part Two: The Guru

There is one feature that distinguishes a true guru from a guru who is still halfway up the mountain. The true guru has died; he or she is the drop that has merged in the Ocean with no trace left. Now a whole different principle comes into play—pure Being, pure expression, pure compassion. You’re lucky if you find such a one, they are rare.

Most of us spiritual seekers find a guru who is still a work in progress, but in whom the Light of the Self-nature shines brightly. And what a Light that is! Being, expression and compassion are present here too, but mixed in are the predilections of the separate self-structures of the person who is in the role of guru. This is a treacherous terrain for the student. For how do we as students distinguish between what is an untainted expression of the Light and what is not?

I love the guru. I love what he or she represents, and I have tremendous respect for the fact that he is willing to make his life an offering on the arduous path of revealing the Divine in the hearts of human beings. In my opinion, for most of us the guru, or a teacher under a different name, is indispensable. There’s just one feature I’d like to shed light on, which is that the second type of guru is still subject to his own preferences and likes and dislikes on a personal level, subtle as they may be.

Even if the personality preferences of the teacher are subtle, they may have a wide range of consequences for the student. Here are some of the main pitfalls:

1) Wanting a student to become enlightened

2) Wanting the student to behave differently, i.e. to transform

3) Telling a student that a certain practice will yield a particular result

4) Becoming annoyed with the student if any of the above does not manifest

If your involvement with a guru remains a relatively distant one—you are inspired by the talks, practices, meditations and books and pursue them at your own speed—there’s tremendous benefit to be had. When you enter into a close relationship with a guru, there is potentially even more benefit to be had, but you enter into an entirely different ballgame. It is said, “The one who has entered the Garden of Truth does not walk away untouched.” It is exactly this that happens in the meeting with a guru: we enter the Garden of Truth. This is a powerful and often life-changing, magical and indescribably beautiful moment. In this Garden there is no uncertainty or sorrow, the flowers are in full bloom, and the scent of the Beloved blows in the wind. (Rumi)

If only we recognize in this moment that we have been given absolutely everything, and if only we were able to allow this newly discovered Garden to guide us through life with its compass of Truth, we could have lived an authentic, truthful and individuated life. We could live just like the lilies in the field do—governed by the Garden, by Nature. But most of us conclude that we entered the Garden, then at a later moment exited the Garden again. This is a deep yet simple misconception based on the fact that many of us have not yet developed the maturity necessary to recognize Eternity in our own Heart and be stable in that recognition. Even when we touch upon the Eternal, we may still shy away from this sovereignty. So, we look to the guru and he says: “I live in that Eternal Garden! And I can show you how you can get there again and make it your home.”

We think that we are the luckiest person on the planet, and we are! But be careful, there’s a catch. The guru will continue to explain that if you do these particular practices, if you do sufficient service, and if you absorb his teachings, that the gate to the Garden will open, permanently. We ourselves have already seen the open gate, and oh, do we want it! If only I do this, if only I do that. We think liberation is like reaching a college degree. If I work hard enough I will get the degree. Many of the spiritual traditions declare the same working principle. In so doing we forget the fact that we live in ever-present peace already.

She said, “Every time you reach towards a wish or an aim you leave the present moment—leaving the present moment is the same as leaving oneself. We become pillars of salt when we turn away from our selves”

Surrender, devotion, obedience are all important qualities to develop on the Path of Truth, and many spiritual traditions promote the idea to replace your own will with the will of the guru. The idea is: then we will truly give up our ego! But who can tell if it is the will of Life that your ego structures dissolve today, or tomorrow, or at any point in this lifetime? Who has this knowledge? The guru?

I used to think so, but not any longer. Once bitten, twice shy. I have come to understand that this principle—if you do all the right things, you will get enlightenment in this life time—may be a false understanding. And there is an important addition to this miscomprehension, which is: If you don’t reach enlightenment, it is your fault!

How many gurus become frustrated with their students, even angry, for failing to live up to the guru’s expectations? But who can tell if the lily in the field will live a long life, or how many petals it is meant to produce, and how much fragrance it must deliver?

Part Three: Individuation

“Whatever is destined to happen, will happen, do what you may to prevent it. Whatever is destined not to happen, will not happen, try as you may.”

— Ramana Maharshi

Ramana does not promote fatalism or determinism here. It is a deep seeing into the structures of the karmas that arise in our own lives. And there is no one who has a better view on what karmas are arising within you than…you! A large portion of the Path is simply to develop our harmonisation with Divine Will as it presents itself in our lives. Isn’t it true?

At some point it becomes untenable for us not to live from our own innermost being, and it is only natural that this is preceded by tremendous challenges. Suffering appears to be a necessary and unavoidable purification. Look at the torment even Arjuna had to endure on the battlefield of Kurukshetra. Krishna had to elucidate 18 long chapters of the Bhagavad Gita to him before he surrendered and was willing to embrace his destiny.

And what about Rumi’s pain on the disappearance of his beloved Shams? The Buddha had to leave his wife and newborn son. That must have been terrible too, but there was no other way, he had to. Also Yogi Ramsuratkumar had to get kicked out of the ashram by Swami Ramdas, repeatedly, to complete his journey of emancipation. “You have killed me,” he said to Ramdas, “Please let me stay with you.” But Swami Ramdas remained unrelenting. “Go and beg” was his instruction to Yogi Ramsuratkumar.

As if this wasn’t enough, Yogi Ramsuratkumar begged his wife to accompany him on his travels, so he must have surely loved her dearly, but she chose to leave him, go back home to Bihar and raise their children. It must not have been easy for him. And there’s so many others. Until we are ready to hear the wise woman’s words, we are on an endless hero’s journey:

“Don’t feed from the richness of another’s soul. Find the marrow in your own.”

Countless unknown human beings have travelled through this passage. It seems that Life must take everything away from us, even the presence of the Divine, before we can, or before we become willing, to grow into autonomy. It may not be our destiny to become a Yogi Ramsuratkumar or an Anandamayi Ma. To fulfil our destiny is to simply be ourselves, just as they did. As the wise woman says:

“There is a stream that runs through us I am all that has been I am a part of what is to come. You can achieve nothing greater than to fulfil yourself.”

Individuation simply means being wholly and fully oneself. Being reliant on oneself, on the Divine. Many of us reluctantly tread the Path towards this destination. I am one of those. It’s okay. Life is not in a hurry. To dare to be my own self, nothing more, nothing less, is a learning and an offering. The wise woman said:

“Your revelations are given for you to dwell in, as a new level of existence, and to share it with others through your presence. There is a perfect time for every purpose. A perfect moment to behave as a fool, and a perfect moment to exercise wisdom. Natural behavior is good enough. True action is good enough. To be oneself is good enough.”

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